I am a proud girl, I really am. I take my accomplishments very seriously, and that's mostly because I don't attempt to accomplish many things unless I really want to. The results are for the most part favourable.
And then there's school, where we are all forced to accomplish things single everyday. Some of these things interest us, some do not - studying for tests, completing assignments, going to lectures, keeping up with readings, forming relationships with professors. Believe it or not, I actually love school (or at least, I love studying Economics). But I have to, as all students do, take classes that barely interest me at all. Last semester I took Financial Management and I could feel my insides scream with discomfort every time I sat down to "study". I did not enjoy it at all. Sure enough, my final mark in that class was my worst mark in University. Ever. I was not proud of that one.
Yesterday I wrote a midterm that made me sweat, shake and have anxiety attacks while studying for it. Game Theory - the class which I am sure will be the true test of my intelligence. Nevertheless, the class I was actually ecstatic about taking (I know, I have a problem). Me and my friend spent a whole week chewing on an assignment for this class, and we easily went from thinking it was impossible to thinking that it was a joke. Clearly we had learned a lot that week... Yet I was still sure I was going to have a hard time with the midterm.
The professor for this class is totally and completely a privilege to be learning from, but tough. In fact, I was warned by many, but decided to stay fearless. All I could think about was how much I would regret it if I didn't take advantage of learning under the guidance of such an intelligent person. That would be just silly of me!15 minutes before test time my friend and I were just repeating "We don't know anything! We don't know anything!" We were truly terrified of what this test would be like.Then all my hours of studying and thinking were tested. We had 1.5 hours to complete the test and I finished 4/7 questions. During the last 15 minutes I just stared at the last three questions with a sore hand expecting the answers to just come out of the page as me while trying to hold back tears. I just felt so stupid - I was utterly dumbfounded, and it felt terrible. I felt like I was letting myself down and like all my previous accomplishments didn't matter to me anymore because of this one stupid test.I blame part of it on not getting enough sleep that
day week. I blame the other part of it on the way the University has always tested us. We are taught to memorize formulas and think linearly from textbooks in order to pass examinations. Yesterday, this professor threw questions at us that involved us to dig into the part of our brain where we had to think, and not just recall. While I respect these intentions, I was left feeling so disappointed in myself and when I left the room I started to laugh/cry at the same time because I had no idea what had just happened in there. I had never experienced this feeling after a test.I can't tell if I let myself down, or if I was just thrown something I was not equipped to fight. Either way, I think I'm being too hard on myself for this. But I can't help it, it's who I am.I slept for 14 hours last night, without disturbances.
I made this granola the weekend before and munched on it throughout this hellish week. I woke up last Sunday and went straight to the kitchen to make it in my PJ's. When I went to bed that night, all I could smell on my sleeves was cinnamon and oats.It's crunchy (a must for me when it comes to granola) and slightly sweet. The coconut shavings seriously have the best crunch.Sunday GranolaIngredients:3 cups quick oats1/2 cup pecans, walnuts, or almonds, roughly chopped1 cup unsweetened coconut shavings1/2 cup superfood seeds mixture (hemp, chia, flax, buckwheat, etc)1/2 cup pumpkin seeds3/4 cup maple syrup1/2 cup coconut oil, melted1 large egg white, beaten1 tsp cinnamon1/2 tsp nutmeg1/2 tsp saltMethod:Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, mix together all dry ingredients up to maple syrup. Mix in the egg white. In a separate bowl, whisk together coconut oil and maple syrup (to the best of your ability, it does not work too well). Pour this in with the rest and mix. Add cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. Bake in the lower third of your oven for 30-45 minutes until dark golden brown. Stir it constantly to prevent burning, about every 7-10 minutes. Optional: + 1 cup dried cranberries or raisons after you take it out of the oven. I'm not just of a dried fruit girl myself, but I know a lot of people love it in their granola. + 1/3 cup of cacao nibs+ 2 tbls of brown sugar added into the maple syrup mixture
Well, I am off to British Columbia for "reading" week. I've never been to the West Coast before and me and my new rain coat are all ready to go.